Did I mention Depression sucks? Sucks the life out of me, sucks the life out of my spouse, my children. Sucks like a hoover, cleaning my life of joy, of energy of pain free existence. I am in the midst of an exacerbation and I wonder if I'll ever get out of it. I'm so tired of being tired. I see glimpses of the black fog lifting, only to have the blanket flop across my eyes again. I will prevail.

I have weathered a week at work on half time rations. I spent a lot of time today sleeping. About an hour spent lying in the hammock until the bugs and the dogs became too obnoxious to let me lie in peace.

Another week or so of half time, then up to six hours. I'm getting stronger and longer every day. The shortest of money is a little annoying, but hey, we've got a roof over our heads. Food is plentiful.

Life is good.

I'm back to work tomorrow. Half time for two weeks as I get my strength back. I've been doing simple things. I feel as if I'm picking up a little more energy each day, though I feel tired today. I weeded and mulched a little in the garden yesterday. No small accomplishment as the grass keeps asserting a more tenacious hold upon what used to be a lot of cultivated ground. I mulched heavily around the lupines, in the hopes of giving them respite from the grass. I want them to take hold. I want a lot of lupines like my grandmother used to have.

Pole beans and the second planting of peas are rising through the ground. So much more needs to be planted. We'll see what happens. Erik is ready to dig at my request, but today does not feel like the day to do it, for me.

Hooray for being off nasty drugs.

I took the last of the Rifampin Tuesday. Hoo- fricking- Ray! Today I had a clearing treatment with my acupuncturist. I felt so calm, so peaceful afterwards. So much more myself than I have in a very long time. After some shopping and lunch I came home and took a nap. I'm still god awful tired, but I feel a glimmer more of me in here than there was, and this is reassuring.

Enough. Words take energy I don't feel like devoting.

Yesterday was a big day out. Lunch with a friend at A&W then off to another friend's house for a bird walk, a little PT and girl talk until after ten p.m. Today I am pleasantly tired, though not overly so. This is a drastic improvement.

The garden is languishing. The witch grass is taking over. I've managed to uncover some struggling lupines near my established plant. A row of snow peas is pushing it's way up toward the fence to support it. I have so much more I would love to get into the ground. However, I need Erik for ground breaking. He's splitting and stacking two cord of wood to dry for next year. It really needs to be done, so the garden must wait.

The sun is shining and the wind blowing. The hammock chair beckons. I am outta here, baby.

Two weeks are left on the medication. I've had a wicked bad last couple of days. Muscle spasms, myalgias. Took some extra anti-spasmodics and not I feel dizzy and sleepy. It made driving an hour to the dealership where I have the major work done on my car especially interesting. Compound that with a non-functioning driver's side windshield wiper and the fun just accumulates beyond belief.

Things seem not worth the effort. The boys are both home and I feel so small . I've never been more aware of my sons' vitality. They feel like giants. The house feels so small. In a few weeks they'll be off to Maine to work on their father's cabin. I'm sure I'll miss them then.

Sorry-there's no life with which to write and none worth writing about.