I'm starting to settle into the idea that this is a new and different phase with my body. I tried to self massage today, just to get some tension out of my upper body. My breasts feel flat and lifeless, my skin saggy and my muscles lacking in tone. I was able to lay there and think," ah, this is what it feels like to live in here and be sick."

I'm in a place, today at any rate, where I can observe what it's like to live in here, at least today, under these circumstances. I don't have the energy to hate that I am as I am at this point in time. Rather, I find myself thinking of the gentleman from whom I gained TB exposure and I am able to think, " what a crappy existence he has" It's the drug, I know it's the drug. And the infected tooth that's finally gotten the third phase of root canal and now the dentist wants to put me on a course of antibiotic for that. Shit. I think I'll have Erik pick up the bots and keep them on hand while I wait and see what manifests with this tooth. I think I should have followed the impulse and had it pulled back when it's neighbor fractured and had to be evicted. Hindsight is a beautiful thing.

My big accomplishment for the day? Finally getting the backsplash,where the dogs have their water, washed. I still have to wash the fire extinguisher washed that hangs on the wall, but at least it doesn't look like the mud puppies live there any more.

I had a friend visit last night. Her comment on the way out? "When is Erik going to do something about the floor?" She was observing the linoleum in the kitchen on the way out. I wish I had thought to say, " He's too busy worrying about and caring for his wife. You idiot!"

It's a floor. It works for now.

Losing focus. Time to rest. Perhaps I could commend resting as my accomplishment and not some random cleaning